Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
