fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
