um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
