I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
