FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
