I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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