I just made out with a guy for $7.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
