Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am available for nakedness
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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