whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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