I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
