For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
