you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
