So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
