Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
