I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
