Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
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i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
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You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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