So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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