i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
