we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
