And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
