We named our party play list daddy issues
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
