There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
