Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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