so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
