Im at strip club and am horny
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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