Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
