but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
