in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
