Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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