pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
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So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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