I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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