I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
