dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
