Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
