Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
