I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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