Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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