thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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