i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
