so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
