Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
