Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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