Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize