He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
