She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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