I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
