He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
bring money and cleavage
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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