super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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