God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
