Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
