That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
