2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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