So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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