Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
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For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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