i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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