the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Your penis caused this!
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