Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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