I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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