She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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