Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
