im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
