Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
